Anti-Instruction for Managers: How to Lose Your Team’s Trust

Any manager, even a beginner in leadership, knows how important it is not to lose their team's trust. You are already taking a risk if you fail to provide feedback for a long time, skip one-on-one meetings with employees, withhold information, or deliberately hide important project details from the team. Let's explore how else you can guarantee to lose your team's trust.

Trust is the Foundation

In fact, many people underestimate this factor. But it is precisely a trusting atmosphere - both among employees themselves and in the relationship between managers and subordinates - that increases motivation and engagement, and thereby productivity. That is why trust is called the cheapest and at the same time the most effective management resource. When trust exists, a manager can afford not to control every step of an employee, not to demand daily reports, not to sign off on every purchase of paper clips. The team works on its own, autonomously. And sometimes this is far more effective than working under strict supervision.

Moreover, when there is no trust, 80% of a manager's time is spent on checking, rechecking, and controlling everything, while most of the employees' time is consumed by merely imitating activity or trying to cover their tracks.

Top 5 Foolproof Ways to Lose Trust

These ways to lose trust - and in some cases, to turn the team against you - have been tested over years of practice:

Method #1. Promise, then "Forget"

This is called a classic of the genre. The manager promises the team a bonus at the end of the quarter, an extra day off, a pay raise for someone, a transfer to another position for someone else. But then it turns out there is no money, the day off hasn't been approved by upper management, and the promotion is not yet possible. Whatever the real circumstances may be, the team that was promised all this feels deceived. Especially if this isn't the first time it has happened. It's not even about the money or the extra days off themselves, but about the fact that the manager's words have stopped meaning anything.

Therefore, it is important to be honest with employees from the start. When hiring, you shouldn't promise the moon if you yourself aren't so sure about the company's success. Don't promise what you can't deliver. For example, don't convince newcomers that "we have a democracy here, we don't track working hours, the main thing is your results." Very often, just a couple of weeks after an employee starts working, management begins demanding their presence in the office from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., and everyone forgets all about "results."

The conclusion is simple: if you're not sure, don't promise - discuss alternative options, talk through all the nuances with your subordinates. If you promised - do it. Even if it's inconvenient, even if it's expensive, even if you've changed your mind. Because next time, they simply won't believe you, and that will cost you far more.

Method #2. Play at "Openness"

It has become fashionable to be a "transparent leader." There are objective reasons for this - a manager's openness is important for increasing employee engagement and the company's long-term success. Transparency reduces uncertainty, decreases staff turnover, and helps build a strong, loyal team ready to solve problems quickly. Honesty builds authority and respect, which makes management more effective.

The problem is that real openness means a manager shares not only that some processes in the company are going well, while others are not so well. Openness means a manager admits that they don't know what to do next, doesn't understand the best course of action or how to fix the situation, acknowledges fear, and is afraid of failing. Many managers try, under any circumstances, to be an unshakable rock - to always know the answers to any question, to always have a Plan B and C, to never show weakness. But if you are truly at a loss, the team will sense the falseness, no matter how you try to hide it. The team will see that the manager is wearing a mask, but won't understand what's underneath. Instead of trust, tension will arise, and instead of openness in return - suspicion.

You will lose trust even if you simply keep pretending that everything is under control when it isn't, simply saying "yes, we've figured it all out," then looking for "scapegoats," projecting "we are one big family," while keeping your distance yourself. Sooner or later, everything will come to light anyway, and while business processes can often be restored, people's trust cannot always be.

Method #3. Ignore Feedback

It often happens that in a personal meeting, a manager asks about an employee's problems and the difficulties they face in their professional field, nods actively, and promises to help resolve everything. A month passes. Two, three. Nothing changes. The employee comes again, but still nothing changes. Next time, they won't say anything at all, and after a while, they will most likely quit.

The worst thing about this situation isn't even the fact of ignoring employees' needs, but the creation of an illusion that feedback matters. At the same time, the employee's time is wasted, they are forced to open up, and then their ideas and problems are simply buried in the sand.

It also often happens that seasoned, tough managers confidently declare at meetings: "I am open to criticism, speak your mind." But as soon as someone actually starts speaking - they interrupt, devalue, change the subject. Of course, employees will very quickly stop suggesting anything, and then stop showing initiative altogether or doing anything without direct instructions. This is a road to nowhere. Don't kill your employees' initiative with your own hands.

Method #4. Punish Publicly

When a manager realizes that everything has gone off plan - deadlines are missed, clients are unhappy, more money has been spent than planned - a public flogging often begins. Inexperienced managers tend to blame everyone but themselves: the executors, the contractors. But just as often, it turns out that the mistakes happened back at the strategy and planning stage, when the budget was miscalculated, instructions were not finalized, and deadlines were not aligned with the actual state of affairs.

Even if the manager realizes that the mistake was mostly on their side, there will be no public apology, despite the public scandal that occurred. Managers often pretend nothing happened. That is how respect is lost. Note: not because the manager made a mistake (if you admit your mistakes, they will only make you stronger as a leader), but because they couldn't admit it and apologize, because they threw their own team under the bus. Of course, you shouldn't stage public sessions of self-flagellation. But sometimes simply saying "I was wrong, it's my fault" is enough.

Method #5. Play "Guess What I'm Thinking"

Nothing kills trust faster than unpredictability. Especially when the unpredictability concerns what an employee will be praised for and what they will be punished for.

Today the manager says: "The main thing is results. Work even at night, but give me record numbers." And tomorrow you are punished for not coming to the office by 9 a.m., despite the results you achieved at night. And imagine if today the boss asks for reports in Excel, tomorrow in Google Sheets, and the day after introduces daily meetings to report personally to him.

Employees begin to spend an enormous amount of energy not on work, but on trying to guess the boss's mood. To figure out which option is "correct" today, to remember what he said last time, because it might not match what he says this time. Over time, this becomes tiresome and exhausting, which is why people quickly leave such workplaces.

What to Do About It: Tips for Building Trust

It is not always enough to simply do the opposite of the anti-instruction to build trust. Here are a few more tips:

Tip #1. Acknowledge Your Vulnerability

Many managers try for a long time to be an "impenetrable leader." And this is a mistake. It turns out that a team begins to trust not when the manager seems like a superhero, but on the contrary - when they see a living person in them, someone who also gets tired, also doubts, also sometimes doesn't know the answer.

But it's important not to go too far. If you come in every day saying, "Everything in the company is terrible, I can't figure anything out, save us," the team will simply lose their anchor. At the same time, if you never show any weakness, they will keep their distance. Find the golden mean - speak honestly about difficulties, but at the same time communicate the main idea: "We will get through this." The goal is to admit that you don't know something, but immediately show that there is a plan to find out and find a way out. It is important to learn to ask for help, but not to shift your own responsibility.

Tip #2. Be Attentive to Employees

This is not only about promises such as pay raises, transfers to another department, bonuses, or an extra day off. Keep your word even in small things - if you promised to send documents by 12, send them; if you promised to respond to a client in the chat, respond; if you promised to personally approve a mockup with the designers, go and approve it. Every time a manager keeps a small promise, they put a small coin into the piggy bank of trust. Every time they don't - they take out a large bill. One misstep really costs far more and hits your reputation much harder than several small good deeds.

Moreover, many people are already used to the fact that big promises can't always be relied upon, because the geopolitical situation might change, the company might not receive investment in a new round, major clients might go to competitors. But small, routine promises must be kept, because they are what people count on; they don't depend on external circumstances and must be fulfilled.

Tip #3. Allow Your Team to Make Mistakes

This is the most difficult advice for many managers, because almost all are perfectionists, and every mistake means money, time, nerves, and reputation.

But if you want to earn your team's trust, you should learn to allow mistakes. This is not the same as encouraging blunders, but not making a tragedy out of them either. Create an environment where an employee can come and say, "I made a mistake, here's what went wrong, here's how I plan to fix it" - and not be deprived of their bonus or days off for it.

If you condemn mistakes, employees won't stop making them - we're all human - but they will start hiding their blunders. And hidden mistakes tend to snowball into disasters. But if you acknowledge a problem in time, there is always a chance to fix it quickly and painlessly, draw conclusions, and move on.

There is a good unwritten rule: don't scold someone for their first mistake on a new project at all. Analyze it, thank them for their honesty, and move on. If the employee makes another mistake - ask them to be more careful, and the third time, discuss it more seriously and thoroughly.

This way, employees stop being afraid, start truly creating, proposing ideas, and taking responsibility. This more than compensates for all the small mistakes.

Tip #4. Listen to Your Employees

Often, managers ask a question but don't actually wait for a real answer. This is understandable - mentally, they are already on the next agenda item. But employees can tell when people nod at them without actually listening to the nuances. There is a high risk that employees will feel like mere functions, cogs. Of course, you shouldn't become a psychotherapist for everyone on the team. But sometimes it's enough to take five minutes, look them in the eye, ask a clarifying question, remember some details. Trust is built from such small moments. From the recognition that employees are seen as people, not just executors.

Tip #5. Be Predictable in the Main Things, but Flexible in the Small Things

The team should know that the manager won't change the rules of the game halfway through. For example, if he said "report by Friday," he won't start pestering with questions on Thursday; if he promised not to write on weekends - he won't write. Predictability in the main things provides a sense of security. And people work better in a safe environment than under stress.

At the same time, in small matters, you can and should be flexible. Today you can overlook being ten minutes late, tomorrow you can reschedule a meeting. This doesn't destroy trust; on the contrary, it shows that the manager is human.

Trust is Not Restored, It is Built Anew

Trust is very fragile. If you lose it, don't expect that one good deed will bring everything back to square one. Trust is not restored. It will need to be rebuilt, brick by brick, and each subsequent brick will cost more than the first.

But it is possible. There are many teams that have gone through serious crises of trust and emerged more cohesive than they were before. This requires only one thing: an honest desire to change - not in words, but in deeds, not in one meeting or one project, but always.